GnM is an online blog that chronicles my experiences through whatever it is that is catching my attention at the moment. Expect shifts between PC gaming news and commentary, to absolute nerding out about the new MG Exia Gundam kit. My brain is full of random esoteric crap, and I'll be spewing it out here. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

An Epiphany

I had an epiphany the other night, whilst lying in bed waiting to fall asleep. For the first time in many many months, I realized that I finally understood why I’ve been without motivation to pursue many of my hobbies. I’ll talk about model building, since it relates the best to what I’m trying to explain. This passage from pretty much sums up what I’ve been suffering from:

Do You Have It? AMS –  Advanced Modeling Syndrome;  is a condition that is characterized by a modeler’s obsession or continual pursuit to outdo his own capability & standard, resulting in the inability to complete a model kit. In the worst possible scenario, the modeler can suffer burnout and become incapable of doing any model kit for long periods of time.
The root for causes are many but can be typified by the some of the following examples below;
  • adding Metal thrusters, Spikes, Tubing, Grooves covers and also LED lit beam sabers to model kits,
  • adding mobility mods and making proportion adjustments,
  • surfing the internet for references and research on similar builds before embarking on the project and
  • many more.
All these itsy-bitsy things will trip-up a modeler, potentially reducing his/ her production levels to near-zero and leave them in depression, despair and remorse.
 I cleaned up the above a bit, but the gist is clear. And it’s exactly what I’ve been going through. I’ve always had a bad habit of putting off doing stuff, because I always want to be perfectly prepared for the project I’m going to be starting “soon”. First it was that I had to get a compressor and airbrush, then I needed a specific paint, then I ran out of primer, and on and on… Before long, nothing ever got started, and all the while I was planning three or four kits ahead! Pretty dumb now that I think about it. Instead of starting a kit I currently owned, I’d fixate on some new one, and I couldn’t start anything until I purchased the new one. And like clockwork, when the new one came in, I’d lose interest and start fixating on something else. I had this problem with games too. While playing WAR, I’d get soo wrapped up in raising my Renown Rank that I started to dread logging in to play my “required” amount of scenarios instead of just paying attention to my current options and trying to enjoy just playing the game. 
Same deal with my drawing hobby: I’d plan a piece like a poster type illustration, start my  preliminary sketches and never get past that point. I’d plan and sketch and plan, but I would never start the actual piece.
Now that I’ve recognized this mental block of mine, I’ve begun making a concerted effort to actually start and finish a model kit. I’m trying to just sit down every night for a decent chunk of time and get something done. Even if it’s just assembling/sanding one part, so long as some progress is made. I’m really happy about this new state of mind and I hope I’ll be able to show you a completed project before too long. I’m actually looking forward to this. It’s been a while.

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